


Broken Dreams

by zeusfluff



Category: Fringe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 11:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6115328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeusfluff/pseuds/zeusfluff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Olivia is found in the snow nearly unconscious, she has no memory of who she is. Can Peter help piece together her life again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Do not own any of the Fringe characters. But I do own a few OC's. This story is told from either Peter or Olivia's POV.

 

December 1st, 2012

Why was I out in the snow? I tried to move, but every inch of my body burned like fire. I had no idea where I was... I looked at my clothes, they were in tatters. Then I remembered: blue light... I could hear sirens off in the distance and I knew I was losing consciousness when the voices were getting muffled. One of them had lightly touched my arm, and instead of seeing the paramedic's face, I was seeing the face of a man I was sure I knew, but couldn't remember where... I looked into the stranger’s eyes and spoke:

“Who are you? Who am I?”

When I woke up again, I found myself in a hospital bed, an iv attached to my hand, and a heart monitor keeping track of my vitals. I looked down at my ring finger on my left hand, I don't remember this... When did I get married? The man with the familiar face was sitting across from me in a chair asleep. He had the same identical wedding band I did. It was a simple gold band. I tried to move, but I was still sore. I cleared my throat and looked at the as of yet nameless man in the chair.

 

He stirred and woke, looking into my eyes with the deepest love I'd ever seen in my life. Deeper down was a sorrow I couldn't quite connect with. Like he'd lost something very important to him once a long time ago...

“Olivia, thank god you’re awake. I was beginning to worry when the doctor's said you'd be asleep for some time, but they didn't tell me you'd be asleep for three whole days. I'm just glad you’re awake now. It must have been hard for you not being able to find me... You've been missing for almost a month and a half... I never stopped searching though. Never.”

I looked at this handsome stranger, but could only give him a confused look. When he grabbed for my hand, I pulled it away.

“Who are you? More importantly, who am I?”

The man with the handsome face had tears in his eyes, but he held them back, only reaching for my hand once more.

“I'm your husband, Peter. Peter Bishop. And you are Olivia Dunham. You are my wife.”

I pulled my hand away once more and looked around the room. If only I could remember who I was.

 

To Be Continued...


	2. Finding a place in the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter tries to help Olivia figure out who she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not own any of the Fringe characters. But I do own a few OC's.

December 4th, 2012 4:35 a.m. 

Boston General

I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. The doctor’s said I might get the flu as long as I’d been out in the cold and wet snow. I swallowed and tried to keep the feeling down. The kind man who said he was my husband poured me a glass of water. 

“Here, drink this.”

I took the glass cautiously and drank the water carefully. I felt better, but it still didn’t help any that I don’t know who I am or who this man ‘Peter’ is. 

“Thanks. I wish I could remember who I was. I don’t remember you or our life together. What’s it like?”

The man named Peter gave me a smile that could’ve burst all the light bulbs in the room. 

“Well we’ll start with you first. Your name is Olivia Dunham. You work for the FBI. We’re in Boston. You were born in Jacksonville Florida. That’s where your father was stationed. When you were three my father conducted drugs trials on young children. A drug called Cortexiphan. This enabled you to see things that were from another universe, and it also allowed you to travel to that other universe. Now while I agree what Walter did was wrong, you’ve forgiven him. He thinks of you as the best daughter in-law in the world. When you were nine you shot your step father so that he wouldn’t hurt your mother anymore. The doctor’s had said he wouldn’t live through the night, but he lived, and every year he sends you a birthday card saying that he’s still out there. You joined the FBI to stop bad people from hurting innocent ones. You also thought you’d make a difference. And you have. You also have a sister named Rachel and a niece named Ella. She just turned ten a couple of months ago.”

I lay back in bed for a moment, almost shocked at all the information that Peter had given me. A sad smile spread across my face as I tried in vain to remember anything I could about my sister and my niece. Nothing rang a bell. 

“What about us? Do we have any children?”

Now he had a warm smile on his face. But the deep sadness hadn’t left his eyes. 

“We don’t have any children yet. We decided we were going to wait for another couple of years before starting a family. Much to Walter’s disappointment. He’s always badgering us on when we’re going to give him grandchildren. You and I had decided that this year just wasn’t the right time. When things with the other side start settling down, we’ll start a family. You are always so head strong Liv. I’ve never met anyone who could do the things you can do.”

Why did I recognize that saying? For some reason I couldn’t quite remember where I’d heard that before. My face turned red and I smiled shyly at him. My smile disappeared when I started feeling dizzy. I leaned back on my pillows and closed my eyes taking deep breaths. I could feel his eyes on me and then his hand suddenly on my arm. It was a gentle touch.

“Hey Liv, are you ok? What’s wrong?”

I opened up my eyes and looked at him trying not to lose what little food I had in my stomach. 

“I feel like I’m going to vomit and I’m really dizzy. Something just doesn’t feel right. I mean, it’s not right that I don’t remember who you are and not know who I am too, but I just don’t feel well... Could you get the doctor for me?”

The handsome man was about to leave the room, but planted a kiss to my forehead, then he headed out the door. Closing my eyes I leaned back on my pillows more. I was ignoring the nausea and the overpowering feeling of dizziness. It wasn’t long before he came back with a doctor in tow. When I opened up my eyes, the entire room was spinning. The doctor looked at me seriously and spoke.

“Olivia, can you tell me how you’re feeling right now?”

I looked at the doctor. So, Olivia was my name? I still can’t seem to remember it even though I hear it every day. I closed my eyes as he shined a penlight into my eyes.

“I’d really like the room to stop spinning. I feel like I’m going to vomit.”

The doctor nodded his head and pulled a couple of pills from his pocket. 

“Here take these. They’ll help with the nausea. You did suffer quite a head trauma when you were brought in. I’d like to order an MRI on you. Just to make sure there isn’t any swelling or anything more seriously wrong with your brain. A nurse will be back to bring you up in an hour. For now, I suggest you take some breakfast with those. These aren’t to be taken on an empty stomach. Try to rest up as much as you can.”

As much as I wanted to, I was weak and I didn’t know what good food would do me. I’d probably just lose it all anyways... The man with the kind eyes who sat across from me began to spoon feed me. I weakly took the spoon from him and tried my best to get the jell-o out of the bowl on my tray of food. Only succeeding in throwing it at his face. He only laughed and wiped his face with a napkin.

“Maybe you’d better do this.”

He smiled a little and scooped out another bite. His smile never left his face as he spoke and fed me at the same time.

“I promised the day we were married I’d take care of you in sickness and in health. I’m taking care of you right now. I’m just glad to have you back Olivia. You don’t know how many sleepless nights I had when you were missing. You’ve been missing since September 12th. We found your car 5 blocks from the Federal Building but there was no trace of you. Broyles sent out fliers to every place he could think of. But no one had seen you. It was as if you’d simply disappeared.”

I had to use the restroom suddenly and I couldn’t wait much longer. I pushed the covers back, only to reveal that under my thin hospital gown was a tube going out of me and beyond my vision below the bed somewhere. 

“Guess the bathroom is out of the question. Any other options?”

I shook my head when the man pulled a bed pan out. I sat and stared at him for what seemed like 5 minutes before he spoke.

“Well we do have this. But since you don’t really remember me right now, this is not the best option. I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for the both of us.”

I sighed in relief as he took the bed pan out of my sight. I swallowed the jell-o down easily when the spoon came up to my mouth again. Once I’d finished the jell-o he got me to try a bite of oatmeal. I made faces.

“No offense, but this stuff tastes terrible. It tastes like sawdust.”

The man only laughed a little and tried a bite himself. He too made a face and put the spoon down. I didn’t want to know what the other foods on my tray tasted like. I was scared of what was going on with me, and I still didn’t know who I was. I wish I could just go home. Wherever that is anyways.

To Be Continued...


	3. Remembering and not seeing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not own any of the Fringe characters. But I do own a few OC's.

January 2nd, 2013

Sleeping in the same bed as the man who called himself my husband was strange especially since I didn’t remember his name or who he was... I turned over and tried to close my eyes. When I did, a flash flood of memories hit me. Meeting for the first time in Iraq... Me being thrown from the windshield of my car...Being trapped in the other universe... A wedding... Our wedding. Our honeymoon... Then me lying on the ground, my clothes in tatters and sore all over... I opened up my eyes once more and shot up in bed. I remembered! I knew who I was and who the man in bed next to me was. 

“Peter! Peter wake up! I remember who I am! It's all so clear now! How long has it been since I've been able to remember?”

A smile spread across his face as he placed his hands on my cheeks. 

“Say it again sweetheart. My name. Say it again.”

I smiled at Peter and looked at him with all the love I could muster up.

“Peter it’s me. My name is Olivia Dunham and I was born in Jacksonville, Florida. Your father experimented on my when I was three and gave me Cortexiphan. I have a sister name Rachel and a niece named Ella. We were married last year and we had our honeymoon in Argentina.”

Peter had tears in his eyes, but they weren't sad tears, they were happy tears. He pulled me into a hug and didn't let go. When he pulled away he kissed my forehead. 

“Come on, we have to tell Walter.”

I smiled as we made our way out of our bedroom. I remembered nothing of the time I spent while I had Amnesia. Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach. 

“What is it sweetheart?”

I shook my head and ran to the bathroom shutting the door behind me. Once I’d emptied my stomach I came back out. I looked at Peter with tired eyes. 

“Peter, was I like this when I didn’t remember who I was?”

It was Peter’s turn to pale. He looked me in the eyes carefully. He nodded his head. 

“Yes but we didn’t do that when you were...”

I shook my head, but there was only one way to find out. We’d have to go to the doctor’s and find out what was going on. I shook my head again.

“Maybe its just the stomach flu. But a woman knows when she’s pregnant. I’ll be back in about twenty minutes.”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

I stared at the pink plus line on the pregnancy test in front of me. My hands shook as I held it in my hands. I opened up the bathroom door and looked at Peter. 

“Peter, come in here. Look.”

Peter came into the bathroom and quickly closed the door. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me. I wanted to make absolutely sure that I was having a baby.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------  
“According to these test results Olivia, you’re not pregnant. We’ve ran several tests on you, but we couldn’t find a thing that indicated you were even remotely pregnant. I’m sorry.”

He had to be lying. I knew that I was pregnant. I could feel it. Women knew these things. 

“Do the test again Doctor Carlington. You’re wrong. I’m pregnant and I’ll prove it to you one way or another.”

Storming out of the office I shut myself in the bathroom. Looking at the mirror at my reflection in front of me I began to think. I was having a baby and they were going to accept it. 

To Be Continued...


	4. Unseen proven evidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not own any of the Fringe characters. But I do own a few OC's.

April 2nd, 2013

“What do you mean I’m making things up? I would not make up the fact that I’m having a baby. Can’t you understand that? Don’t you see the signs?”

Doctor Carlington had sent me to a Psychiatrist to see if I was mentally stable. No offense against Doctor Jacob’s opinion on my ‘fragile state of mind’ but I knew I was right and I wasn’t imagining things. He folded his hands back over his pad of paper and took his glasses off as if scrutinizing me.

“Olivia, I know it’s hard for you to grasp your situation. Perhaps these episodes you are having stem from something else? Are you and your husband Peter experiencing difficulties in conceiving a child?”

My eyes darkened at the last question. I hated every moment of this. Lying on this couch telling this man every minute of my life up until just recently. Very insensitive man if you ask me. 

“Excuse me sir but I don’t think that’s any of your business. Look I’m not crazy and I’m not imagining that I’m pregnant. It’s real. Now why all of you refuse to see it, is something else entirely.”

Doctor Jacob’s gave me his fake smile and stood up from his chair. 

“I’ll be right back Olivia. I’m going to have a little chat with Doctor Carlington in my office. Just relax. I’ll be right back.”

I knew he meant the hallway. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for him to return.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

I saw Doctor Jacob’s come out of his office and walk over to Doctor Carlington. I stayed seated in my chair. I fought against every urge to get in on the conversation. Doctor Carlington shook his head and came towards me as Doctor Jacob’s went back into his office where Olivia was.

“Peter I have some bad news. It seems that Olivia’s delusions are more serious than we thought. Doctor Jacob’s has insisted that Olivia be sent to Saint Michael’s. She’ll be well-cared for there. We think it’s the best place for her.”

I grew angry at his words as two nurses came out with Olivia. Her eyes grew big when she saw me. 

“Peter don’t let them put me away! Please! I don’t want to be in a dark room by myself! Please don’t let them take me away! Think of the baby!”

I did my best to get to Olivia, but two security guards grabbed a hold of me. I had to get her back. It wasn’t going to be as easy getting her out. 

“I’ll get you out of there ‘Livia! They can’t do this to you! A mental institution is no place to have a baby! I’ll get you out!”

I didn’t care if people were staring. I was going to do everything in my power to get Olivia back. After all, we had Massive Dynamic at our disposal since William Bell left it to Walter. As much as I didn’t trust Nina, I knew that somehow she could help with this whole mess.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

The cell they’ve put me in is lonely and cold. I was given a white jump suit. Reminders of the other world. Daylight drifted through the small window above my bed. How was I going to get out of this one? I couldn’t just spend my entire pregnancy in this cell. I was exhausted. I curled up in a ball on my hard bed, covering my face and began to cry. I had to get out of here. This place would drive me to real insanity if I didn’t get out soon. 

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

June 15th, 2013

It was dinner time again and as usual I sat by myself eating the tasteless food that was served every night. It was supposed to be Roast beef with mushrooms and gravy with a side of green beans, but even the vegetables had no taste to them at all. I knew all the doctors and nurses always watched me. I was given extra portions only because I was eating for two. There were two nurses in particular Jesse and Valentina. Valentina was the nicer one of the two. Jesse sat down next to me with an unusually sweet smile on her face. 

“Come on Olivia. Don’t pick at your food. You’re eating for two you should keep up your strength. Would you like me to spoon feed you?”

I pushed her hands away from my plate. I glared at her and picked up my spoon and stuffed a mouthful of potatoes in my mouth. However tasteless this was, I had to eat. Keeping up my strength was a top priority for me. When I was finished swallowing my food I glared some more at Jesse and spit venomous words at her.

“Do not mock me Jesse. I know you don’t believe I’m having this baby. But I am. You just think I’m fat. I assure you, this isn’t body fat. This is a baby pure and simple growing inside of me.”

I smiled at Jesse and kept eating. I wasn’t crazy. They would all understand that soon enough. I was due in four more months, but I sure as hell was getting out of here before October came. 

“Sure, and you’re carrying a miracle from heaven... We all believe you honey...”

She only laughed, getting up and walking away. Valentina sat down next to me and smiled. 

“I believe you hijita. Really I do. This isn’t the place for you to be. Babies aren’t born in an institution. If it were up to me, I’d let you out of this place and go back to your husband and your family. But that’s up to Doctor Jacob’s. Tell me, do you think this baby will be a girl or a boy?”

I gave Valentina a sad smile and placed my hand over my swelling abdomen. I wished people would just believe me. 

“To be honest I think it’s a girl. Valentina you are the only one who believes me. You are the only one who doesn’t mock or taunt me. I grow sick of the other nurses doing that to me.”

Valentina squeezed my shoulder and gave me a warm and smile. 

“Dios le bendiga hijita. God be with you child. I can arrange for an outside doctor to see you Olivia. You must take care of yourself. Eat what you can, when you can. I can see if I can arrange more visits with your husband. Almost time to turn in for the night and your dinner’s getting cold.”

I smiled at Valentina one more time finished off my dinner. When I was back in my cell, I lie down on my hard bed against the wall and curled up in a ball as much as I could. It was hard to curl up now since my stomach was so big. I was becoming miserable in this place; solitary confinement was not my idea of happiness.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------  
June 16th, 2013

2:35 a.m.

It was the thousandth time that I’d looked at the clock tonight. I couldn’t sleep without Olivia next to me in bed. I turned over again and closed my eyes. Sleep wouldn’t come. All I kept thinking about was Olivia and the baby. Why couldn’t anyone see the baby? Why? There must be some explanation for all this. Shaking my head I opened up my eyes and sat on the edge of the bed pulling a pair of sweats on. I quietly padded downstairs and carefully looked down over the banister. Shaking my head once more I saw Walter in the kitchen whipping up a batch of crepes. No doubt a snack. I pulled up a stool at the kitchen bar and watched Walter making the crepes. He looked up at me and smiled. The simplest of things made him happy. 

“Your up early son. Since your up, would you like a crepe?”

I shook my head no and avoided his gaze. I missed Olivia and sleep had left me since she had been taken away from me. 

“I don’t want a crepe Walter...”

I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand. A tension headache was taking hold of me, and I wanted nothing more than a drink. But something told me to leave it. 

“Don’t worry son. We’ll get Olivia out of that horrible place. Perhaps the reason why no one can see the child growing inside of her is because it is able to appear invisible... Since Olivia has Cortexiphan in her system, I suppose the child has inherited it as well. We need to find a way to get Olivia out and to Massive Dynamic right away. Perhaps with their technology we can figure out just what’s going on.”

I nodded my head, but it was the middle of the night. It would have to wait until morning. 

To Be Continued...


	6. Chapter 6

July 15th, 2013  
It was a sunny day outside, but I was stuck in my cell, the doctors convinced that I was more delusional than ever. Every day the baby grew bigger and yet they were still convinced that I was just overweight. I was no such thing. I slept on my side now since I couldn’t sleep on my back. I was uncomfortable, but I knew that this baby was real. If only people would see it. I looked towards the door when I heard it open up. 

“Peter?”

Peter gave me a soft and warm smile and approached me carefully. A doctor with a bag came behind him. I scooted farther away from them on my bed. Peter visited me when he could, but the doctors restricted visitors from seeing me. Peter put his hand on my shoulder, as I sit at the farthest point of my bed against the wall, with my knees drawn up against my chest. As far as I could get them anyways. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. He pulled away suddenly and his eyes went wide when he’d felt the baby’s feet kicking against my womb. I smiled and wiped my tears. 

“See, you know I’m not crazy. Give me your hand.”

I put my knees down and grabbed for Peter’s hand and placed it over my swelling stomach. I moved it down to the left a little. 

“This baby is very active. Daddy’s little boy.”

I frowned and turned away from him. I didn’t want to look at the doctor that sat on the other side of me. Peter squeezed my hand and motioned for the doctor to come closer. I didn’t know what he was going to do to me. He pulled my sleeve back only to reveal several needle marks on my arm at the elbow crease. I turned away as the doctor put the Sphygmomanometer around my arm. The pressure was there and then it was gone. 

“Your blood pressure is good Olivia. Now I want you to lie back for a second. Just relax. This won’t hurt one bit.”

I did what the doctor told me and lie back, placing my head on Peter’s lap. He stroked my hair as I looked up at the ceiling. My head shot up when the doctor hit a sore spot on my abdomen. 

“Ow! Hey! You said this wasn’t going to hurt!”

The doctor only gave me an apologetic expression and continued pressing down gently on my abdomen. I lie my head back down on Peter’s lap and he continued stroking my hair. I heard a baby’s crying suddenly and looked around the room like Peter and the doctor examining me. They could apparently hear it too. It was the first time I’d ever heard her cry before. It was the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard. But her cries were full of anguish as if something were hurting her. I became worried momentarily but calmed myself and placed my hand on my swelling abdomen.

“Nobody's going to hurt you honey. Please don’t cry. Nobody's hurting you. I’m right here. Me and daddy.”

Peter looked at me with wide eyes and sputtered.

“Y-you can talk to the baby?”

I nodded my head. We’ve been communicating for awhile now. Mostly she’d talk to me by punching her fists and kicking her feet at me to get my attention. 

“For awhile now. She’s making such a fuss right now. Here’s your proof doctor...?”

The doctor in front of me straightened up for a second and looked at me and smiled. 

“Hastens. Well, we certainly know that you are pregnant now. I don’t see any reason why you should remain here any longer. I’ll have your husband Peter here talk with Doctor Jacob’s. We have the proof; we just have to convince him to let you out. Peter is the only one that can do it though, since he is family. When you are released I’d like to see you at Massive Dynamic tomorrow so we can run some tests. Do some blood work, draw some amniotic fluid, monitor your vitals, and check the baby’s progress. It’ll take awhile, most of the day actually. Your father in law, Doctor Bishop was the one who sent me here. You are the sanest woman I’ve ever met. Don’t let anybody else tell you otherwise.”

I smiled. I was almost free; Peter just had to convince Doctor Jacobs to let me out. Doctor Hastens stayed with me while Peter went out in the hallway to talk to Doctor Jacobs. Less than a minute later, he came back in with him. He looked at Doctor Hastens and gave him his disgustingly sweet smile, like the one he’d given to me the day he put me away. 

“Well, Peter here tells me you have the proof you need to debunk my theory that Olivia here is insane. Well, let’s see this proof then. I don’t have all day, and I have patients to dispense medications to...”

Doctor Jacobs wasn’t a patient man. I’d dealt with him for the past six months... I turned away when Doctor Jacobs placed his hand over my stomach. His eyes widened when the baby kicked at him. He suddenly became apologetic, apologizing to me many times.

“You have my apologies Agent Dunham. I-I had no idea. I simply assumed that you were going through some sort of depression after getting over a tragic miscarriage.”

I wanted so badly to do something to him. But all I could think of were embarrassing things. Peter did the talking first.

“Well Doctor Jacobs, now you have a scandal on your hands it seems. You locked away a pregnant woman thinking she was insane. Hear me out; you’ll be out of a job by week’s end, if you don’t tell the truth to the board of Mental Health.”

Doctor Jacobs shoved the paperwork into Peter’s hands and gave him a pen. Peter quickly signed the papers and threw them in his face. The papers shook in his hands.

“I-is there anything I can do for you and your wife? Maybe reimburse you for the damages?”

I glared at Doctor Jacobs and Peter helped me to my feet. My swollen feet screamed at me to sit down, but Peter had me. It was hard to walk, but I kept up. When we got outside, I closed my eyes and savored the warm sun. I wanted to stay out in it, but I knew I couldn’t.

“Peter, just let me stay out in the sun just a little longer. It feels so good.”

Peter ran a hand through my tangled hair and smiled. Kissing my forehead he helped me over towards the car and I climbed in. 

“Too much sun isn’t good for you. Especially not right now.”

The heat wasn’t so bad, I guess it was because I wasn’t used to it anymore. Either that or I’d just missed the outside world. The blue sky amazed me. Its color was a deep azure blue. I felt like I’d been locked up for years, and being out here felt wonderful. When we got home, Walter and Astrid were in the kitchen making taffy. I smiled at Walter. Then I looked around the kitchen. How I’d missed this place. I’d have to buy all new clothes now because the ones I went into Saint Michael’s with didn’t fit me anymore. Walter’s eyes lit up when he saw me.

“I’m glad that horrible Doctor Jacobs let you out of that terrible place Olivia. And look at you! You look wonderful my dear! Do tell child, are you having a boy or girl?”

I only laughed a little at Walter. Shaking both our heads Peter spoke up. I was exhausted. 

“We won’t know until tomorrow Walter. Olivia has an appointment with Doctor Hastens tomorrow. Thank you for sending him. He was Olivia’s ticket out. The baby’s kicking gave it away. I’m very glad it did. Olivia said there were a few times she was afraid that something might happen to the both of them as much injections as she was getting.”

Astrid only smiled at the both of us and took that as her cue to leave. She squeezed my shoulder on her way out of the kitchen and whispered in my ear.

“Congratulations Olivia, and I’m glad your back. That place must have been horrible. We were all very worried about you, but glad to have you back now. I’ll let Broyles know that your back. You should get some rest. You need it.”

I knew I needed it, but how was I going to climb the stairs? Walter followed Peter and I out of the kitchen and towards the stairwell. I looked up the stairs with nervousness.

“Peter, I can’t go up these stairs, I’ll go into labor.”

Peter grunted as he picked me up and carried me up the stairs. When we got to the bedroom, he shut the door with his foot and lie me down on the bed. Taking my shoes off he looked at them, and started to rub them gently. 

“Liv, what happened to your feet?”

I sighed and let him rub my achy and swollen feet. I winced a little and then gave a sigh of relief. This was very relaxing.

“Well when I was locked up, they never gave me socks, just these awful flat white shoes to where every day. In all honesty, my feet hurt like hell. I cannot wait till this baby comes out. I just hope this delivery goes smoothly.”

Peter stopped massaging my feet for a moment and kissed my forehead. I’d propped some pillows up behind me so that I could sit up. 

“Don’t worry sweetheart, everything will be just fine. We’ll figure everything out tomorrow. Just hang in there ok?”

I nodded my head, Peter was right. But what if something went wrong? I’d been afraid of needles every since I’d been stuck in the other universe. This just wouldn’t do... But one thing’s for sure, Peter had saved me from the darkness. 

To Be Continued...


	7. Clues and discoveries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not own any of the Fringe characters. But I do own a few OC's.

July 16th, 2013

It felt strange lying in a hospital bed at Massive Dynamic’s Medical Wing. I held Peter’s hand as Doctor Hastens came towards me with a gauge 25 syringe. I shivered a little. It was the biggest syringe I’d ever seen. Peter helped me pull my hospital gown back just enough to expose my stomach. I watched as the needle went in through my bellybutton. I knew he had to go deep because of the placenta. I bit my lip as he pulled the plunger back. It stung. The liquid that came out was dark. Well, this can’t be a good sign. 

“Hmm, we’ll have to run some tests on this. Your amniotic fluid should be clear like water. This suggests you could have some sort of infection in your body.”

I sighed and put a hand over my face. This was just not going well at all. My eyes wandered to the monitors I was hooked up to. It measured the baby’s heartbeat plus my own. Doctor Hastens handed the syringe to a nurse who was holding a tray. I shook my head. If it hadn’t been for the tasteless food at Saint Michael’s, I’d probably be in a better condition. Now I was frustrated. I knew what was next. 

“Olivia, I’m going to need you to scoot down just a little. There we go. This’ll be a little uncomfortable for a few minutes, but we just want to make sure everything is going ok with an internal exam. Now just relax, and we’ll be done in no time.”

I nodded my head and squeezed my eyes shut and grabbed for Peter’s hand tighter as Doctor Hastens pulled the sheet back a little. I was not comfortable at all. Opening my eyes once more, I saw Peter still holding my hand but curiously looking around the sheet. 

“What exactly are you looking for Doctor?”

Doctor Hastens only shook his head at Peter and continued his work. My left foot was falling asleep so I moved only slightly. 

“We’re looking for correct development of the baby and to make sure there are no ruptures to the membrane of the amniotic sac it’s growing in.”

Peter came back on my side of the sheet and kissed my forehead. I bit my lip once more as Doctor Hastens and the nurse pulled the sheet back over my legs. Doctor Hastens eyes seemed full of concern.

“Everything looks good as far as I can tell. But the only thing that concerns me is that your dilated a couple of centimeters. Baby’s already fully effaced, but it’s too soon. We’ll have to put you on bed rest for awhile, which will help you in the long run.”

I shook my head and began to cry a little. This wasn’t fair. I turned over on my side towards Peter. He continued stroking my hair with his left hand. 

“It’ll be alright Liv. He just said that he didn’t see anything wrong with the baby. Let’s see what he finds with the amniotic fluid ok? Just relax and try to sleep.”

I nodded my head closing my eyes. This wasn’t easy for me. Sleep came to me but it wasn’t peaceful. When was it ever? Although I was asleep, I could still hear all around me. I heard someone come into the room, the footsteps sounded a lot like Walter’s. 

“Son, how is Olivia doing? Is she alright?”

I felt Peter’s lips brush against my forehead and I sighed snuggling into the pillow. I could hear his voice whispering.

“She’s alright Walter. Doctor Hastens pulled some amniotic fluid from her and it came up dark. He said it’s supposed to be clear like water. He’s putting her on bed rest. She’s dilated a couple of centimeters and he’s worried she’ll go into premature labor. She’s on bed rest for the next three months. She’s not going to be too happy about that.”

I opened up my eyes and looked at the both of them. Being in bed wasn’t going to work for me. It wasn’t long before Doctor Hastens and the nurse Ana came and took me to an exam room. Peter had pushed me all the way there. The Ana and Peter both helped me up onto the exam table. I shivered once more as Ana poured the cold conducting gel onto my ever growing stomach. Jessica smiled at me as she moved around a little with the instrument.

“Would you like to know the sex of your baby?”

I smiled and nodded my head yes. I knew it was a girl already, but I was just trying to humor Peter and Walter. 

“Ok, baby’s heart rate is good. Normal movements at this stage of your pregnancy. If I can just get a good look between the legs here, I can tell you what you’re having. There we go; it seems this little girl is a little shy.”

Emma Rose. Emma was what I was going to call her. Walter clapped his hands in excitement next to Peter. Peter placed a kiss over my stomach after Ana cleaned off the excess gel. 

“A girl, we’re having a girl.”

I smiled and placed a hand over my now covered stomach. Walter couldn’t keep himself under control any longer.

“Olivia now that we know the sex of my grandchild, may I be allowed to participate in her birth?”

I pleaded to Peter with my eyes. To me, the birth of our daughter was a private matter. I didn’t feel comfortable with Walter being in the room as I gave birth. 

“Walter I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I’m not comfortable with the idea of you being in the room while I give birth. I’m very glad you want to be involved in your granddaughter’s life, even while she’s still inside my womb.”

Peter and Ana helped me back into the wheelchair. I tried my best to hold my tears of happiness back. I was worried, but I knew that everything would be alright. I only had three months left. 

To Be Continued...


	8. Difficult labor and delivery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not own any of the Fringe characters. But I do own a few OC's.

October 22nd, 2013

Bishop Residence

I sat up in bed when I began to feel strange. Peter had gone downstairs to get me a snack. I’d been resting my eyes when suddenly I began to feel pain. The only thing I felt I could do was to yell to Peter.

“Peter!”

Hurried footsteps came down the hall and then I heard Peter come into the room. I tried to breathe in through my nose and out my mouth, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. 

“What? What is it? Is it time?”

I nodded my head and began to get up from the bed. Peter took me by the crook of my elbow and led me downstairs. Walter was in the kitchen slurping on a strawberry supreme he’d just made. 

“Walter lets go. It’s time.”

Walter nearly dropped his glass on the floor in excitement. I was trying to keep myself calm. Once in the car, I gripped onto the door handle while Peter drove. I bit my lip and tried to curb the pain. There wasn’t anything right now that could distract me. I just wanted this baby out! Peter peeled into the emergency drop off at Boston General. We hadn’t wanted to take the trip up to New York, so we had arranged for Doctor Hastens to come down here when it was time. He’d been spending the last three weeks down here, in anticipation of Emma’s birth. A nurse helped me into a wheel chair, but I begged her to wait for Peter.

“Please, let’s wait for my husband.”

The nurse nodded as I rubbed my stomach, trying to keep Emma calm. Walter was standing next to me and smiling.

“It won’t be long now Olivia. Just remember to breathe. Remember, when you feel a contraction bear down on it. Don’t go against it.”

I nodded my head at Walter but my mind was focused on the pain that I accidently snapped at him.

“I know what to do Walter!”

Walter stepped back momentarily. Peter came and stayed by my side as I was taken to a room. Once in there, the nurse left and Peter helped me into a hospital gown. Once in bed, I calmed a little. Two nurses came into the room. One to start an iv drip on my arm and another to put a fetal monitor around my stomach. The nurse who had put me on the iv drip put a hand on my shoulder.

“Doctor Hastens will be in, in just a few minutes. Try to rest and relax ok?”

I nodded my head and tried to get comfortable. It wasn’t easy. I closed my eyes and ignored the beeping of the machine monitoring both my vitals and Emma’s. When another contraction hit me, I grabbed for both of Peter’s hands. I tried to hold back my tears, but the pain was terrible.

“It’s ok baby. I’ve got ya. Just relax and let it go. Don’t fight with it. Just relax.”

I was grateful when the contraction subsided just as Doctor Hastens came into the room. He smiled at me and I smiled back with the bravest smile I could muster up. 

“How are you feeling Olivia? Are you ready to have this baby?”

I nodded my head, but wasn’t exactly sure how things were going to be. A couple of nurses were at his side and I knew what was going to happen next. I turned to Peter and he kissed my forehead brushing a piece of hair from my face. 

“Just relax now, there we go. Huh, in just a short amount of time you’ve dilated from 2 centimeters to 8. Almost there. Just three more to go. You can relax now. Good girl.”

I smiled and thanked Doctor Hastens silently. Peter smiled at me and pulled me in for a kiss. It wasn’t long before another contraction hit me. I gripped the sheets with all my might, but nothing in the world could make my pain go away at the moment. An epidural was the only thing that would make this more bearable. But I had promised myself and Peter that we’d try a natural birth just once, just for the experience. Peter’s voice brought me out of my pain-riddled mind.

“Just relax Liv. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth remember? That’s it. That’s my good girl. Ok almost done. There. All done for now. Just think, soon, we’ll be holding Emma for the first time. Just concentrate on that.”

I smiled and placed a hand over my stomach. Though its painful, some women say this is the most beautiful part about having a baby. Giving birth. I looked at Peter; it was getting harder to breathe. I didn’t like this feeling. The machine beeped next to me. My eyes widened and I turned my attention towards it. A nurse came in and checked the machine.

“Your baby is fine Olivia. It’s you we’re worried about. Let’s get you some oxygen. There we go. Better?”

I nodded my head as the nurse placed an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth. It felt better, but I was still struggling a little. Peter stroked my hair and looked at me with a deep love in his eyes that I couldn’t quite identify with. 

“This is just a bump in the road sweetheart. We’ll get through this I promise.”

My body chose just the right moment to tell me another contraction was coming. I gripped Peter’s hands and squeezed them tightly. I gave a muffled scream through the oxygen mask on my face. This contraction was lasting longer than the one before it. Looking into Peter’s eyes I went into panic mode.

“Peter I can’t do this! Please make it stop! It hurts too much! Please make it stop! I WANT HER OUT OF ME! NOW!”

Peter stopped holding my hands momentarily and stroked my hair out of my eyes. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be long now. My contractions were getting so close together I couldn’t time them anymore. 

“Yes you can Liv. I know you can. I know it hurts, but I want you to bear down on it. Don’t fight with it. It’ll just make it worse. Just relax your body and let it do what’s natural.”

I nodded my head but let out another muffled scream. Doctor Hastens came in just as the contraction was subsiding. Tears were still running down my face. Peter placed another kiss against my forehead and wiped the sweat from my face with a dampened towel. Through my tear-blurred eyes I watched as Doctor Hastens washed his hands in the sink, his foot pressing against the foot petal to start the water. I looked at Peter and smiled up at him weakly. I didn’t have all that much energy for some reason. I turned my attention back to Doctor Hastens when he snapped on a pair of poly-nitrile gloves. I was allergic to latex so this was the best option. 

“Ok, Olivia let’s see where we’re at. Cross your fingers for luck and hope that we’re there. Just relax now. That’s it. Ok, everything looks good. We’re there. 10 centimeters. Now what I want you to do is hold your knees for me. Pull them as far back towards your chest as you can and give me one great big push alright?”

I nodded my head and did exactly as Doctor Hastens told me. With as much strength as I could muster up I began to push, the nurse Ana next to him encouraging me the whole time.

“Good Olivia. You’re doing great. Let’s go again.”

I nodded my head and kept pushing. Peter was curious and watched the whole thing as it happened. Something didn’t feel right with this picture. Doctor Hastens looked at me and then went back to his work. 

“Keep pushing Olivia. The heads nearly out. Keep going.”

I nodded my head and kept grunting while I gave another push. This wasn’t working. Not at all. Doctor Hastens had a sheet covering my legs so I couldn’t see what was going on. He kept shaking his head and looked to the nurse Ana next to him. 

“Tell Letty to get the vacuum. This baby is coming out, but it’s as if suction is pulling her back in for some reason or another.”

I swallowed and began to panic. But Peter was the first to speak up. I was worried and I was in the worst pain in the world right now, this wasn’t what I needed.

“Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What vacuum? What kind of vacuum are you talking about Doctor Hastens?”

I was trying to hold it all together. I kept holding my knees. I wanted to push, but I just couldn’t for some reason. I wasn’t sure what to do next. There was a machine another nurse brought in, but I couldn’t see anything with a sheet over me. 

“Don’t worry. This won’t hurt Olivia or your daughter. It’s just to help pull the baby out a little. Suction helps. We’re just going to place something onto the baby’s head but it won’t hurt her. Its just to provide a little nudge.”

I held onto my knees feeling very embarrassed since I was missing my clothes from the waist down. Peter kissed my forehead and watched as the rest of this miracle continued to occur. I pushed once more not sure what Doctor Hastens wanted me to do now. He put a hand on my knee.

“Don’t push Olivia. Don’t push. Just relax. This is going to feel a little strange; it’ll hurt a little, but try and breathe through the pain alright? We’re almost there. Just relax.”

I nodded my head and stopped pushing. I tried to stifle a scream that was threatening to come out of my mouth but it didn’t work. Peter put a hand on my back and rubbed it for a minute. 

“You’re doing great sweetheart. Just relax. That’s it. There we go. Emma’s almost here. I’m starting to see her whole head now. Granted it’s only the back of her head. She has my hair. Here come the shoulders. She’s coming ‘Livia. She’s coming.”

Doctor Hastens and Peter smiled at each other as Emma came out of me. Doctor Hastens placed Emma in a blanket they’d placed over my waist. She cried, but not a good strong cry. Peter cut the cord and Doctor Hastens looked at me and smiled.

“Here’s your baby girl Olivia! Here she is!”

Before I could even get the chance to hold her, Doctor Hastens took her out of the room. Before the door closed I called out to him.

“Doctor Hastens, where are you going with Emma? Can’t I hold my baby? Where are you taking my baby?”

He turned to me quickly and gave me a concerned look.

“We’re going to get Emma cleaned up and put her on some oxygen for a few minutes. Help her get her color back. You hear that cry? That’s not the sound we like to hear. We’ll bring her back in about 30 minutes. Just hang in there. You did a good job mom.”

I nodded my head but let a few stray tears fall down my cheeks. It didn’t even bother me when the nurse Ana had me deliver my placenta. The pain barely registered. It was only because I was thinking of Emma. She’d barely come into the world and she’d been taken from me.   
Peter looked at me and rubbed my shoulders.

“Don’t worry Liv. Doctor Hastens said he’d bring her back. She’ll be just fine. You did such a good job. I’m proud of you. Just relax and rest. You’ll have her in your arms before you know it.”

But I wasn’t so sure if I could believe Peter. First I’d been denied that I was even pregnant, and then now my daughter has been taken away from me. I hadn’t noticed the time when Doctor Hastens came in with a crying Emma in his arms. A good strong cry coming from her throat. 

“Meet your daughter Olivia. 8 pounds and 6 ounces, 21 inches long. Good reflexes, apgar health scale of 8.5. Her cries are strong and   
healthy. Despite a difficult delivery, she’s relatively healthy. Congratulations again to the both of you.”

I nodded my head as he placed Emma into my arms. Her cries even louder. She was hungry. Peter helped me undo my hospital gown just enough so that she could nurse. I winced a little but marveled at how little her fingers were. Every inch of her was just amazing. How could something so little cause women so much pain while giving birth? I smiled at the miracle in my arms. Difficult delivery, but a healthy baby came out of it. I thanked my lucky stars for giving birth to this little miracle. She’d change the world.

To Be Continued...


	9. Pieces of the puzzle come to light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not own any of the Fringe characters. But I do own a few OC's.

March 6th, 2012

I woke to the baby monitor going off next to the bed. Emma sounded as if she were choking on something. My eyes shot open and I listened again to the baby monitor. I opened up the bedroom door and walked out into the hallway, into the next room. When I got into Emma’s room, I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and reached in the crib for her. Supporting her head and taking a good look at her, I found that her face was purple, and it was starting to turn blue. The sounds she made drove fear to rule over me at that exact moment in time. I   
rushed back into our bedroom and found a wide eyed Peter now sitting up in bed. 

“Liv, oh my god, what’s wrong with Emma?”

I gave him a tearful glance and he took her from my arms and looked her over. 

“Come on baby girl breathe. Breathe for daddy.”

I tried to hold myself together, but it was proving more difficult as the minutes passed by. Peter quickly picked up the phone and dialed   
9-1-1. 

“9-1-1. Please state your emergency.”

Peter had put his phone on speaker so that he could hold Emma and talk at the same time... 

“Yes, my daughter seems to be choking on something and she’s turning blue...”

Peter and I waited for a response from the operator on the other end of the line. 

“And how old is your daughter Mr. Bishop?”

I watched as Peter took in a breath, trying to keep himself calm. The tears were already coming down my face; I couldn’t hold them in any longer. 

“She’s four days old...”

The worry in his voice broke my heart and the sounds Emma made were making it all much more worse. 

“Ok Mr. Bishop, do you think Emma may have swallowed something and it might be stuck in her throat?”

I shook my head covering my mouth with my hand. Emma’s going to be ok Liv. Just relax. She’ll be alright. I took Emma from Peter’s arms and tried to see inside her mouth. I couldn’t find anything in her mouth making a hook with my finger. Her body was beginning to spasm. 

“No not that I can tell.”

I rocked Emma back and forth in my arms and wished she was alright again. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Everything was a fog when the paramedics arrived and I followed them when they took Emma from the room. The ambulance ride was just the two of us and the paramedics. Peter was following with Walter in my truck. I stroked Emma’s fingers with my index finger. 

“Come on baby, come back to mommy. You have a full life ahead of you.”

Emma only kept making a choking sound. My tears continued to fall, and my worry was quickly taking over me and it was the driving force in my stomach. The driving force that was the cause for me to vomit just then. The paramedic next to me handed me a pink bean-shaped plastic bin if I needed to vomit some more. 

“Agent Dunham, Olivia, we’ll need to have you checked out too. Just in case you could have been slipped something as well. Just relax while we take a look at you.”

My eyes went wide as I began to vomit again. When blood came out I gave the paramedic a shocked look. His face paled and he had me sit down next to Emma on the stretcher. He wiped the blood from my chin and looked into my eyes momentarily with a pen light. I was temporarily blinded by the tiny bright light, but only for a minute or two. 

“You know, I’m kinda dizzy. What’s going on?”

I sat absolutely still as the paramedic listened to my heart. He gave me a worried look and spoke up.

“Did you know that you have a Regurgitative heart murmur? You know, this kind of heart murmur is very dangerous. Have you been sick   
lately? Rheumatic fever?”

I only gave him a look; I’ve never had Rheumatic fever. Shaking my head no I gave him my answer. 

“I’ve never had Rheumatic fever. But I’ve had shortness of breath when I’m sleeping. Is that going to be a problem?”

The paramedic only nodded his head yes at me and told me to breathe in. I did as he told me.

“That’s good. And one more time for me, good girl. Well your lungs seem to be ok. We’ll have Doctor Elker have a look at you when we get to Boston General. Now, let me know if anything hurts ok? I’m going to press my fingers against your sides. Tell me when it hurts ok?”

I nodded my head and sat back a little. Holding onto the paramedics shoulder I felt as he pressed his fingers against my left side first. Nothing hurt there. It wasn’t until he got to my right side that it began to hurt. It was sharp and I took in a breath and hissed.

“Ow! Right there! Hurts right there.”

The paramedic nodded and I let go of his shoulder. He looked at me seriously.

“It could be your spleen. Since you are also vomiting blood, we’ll have to check for internal bleeding once we get to Boston General.”

It wasn’t long before the ambulance pulled into the emergency entrance of Boston General. When the doors to the ambulance opened up, Emma was taken out by a doctor and I was placed onto a stretcher. Peter had just parked the car and was rushing towards me. 

“Liv! What happened? What’s wrong?”

He took my hand as I was wheeled in through the emergency doors of Boston General. A doctor was by my side as we rounded a corner. The paramedics spilling out the information they’d given to me. 

“This is Olivia Bishop. She was brought in with her daughter Emma. While we were in the ambulance she started vomiting up blood. She has pain in the right side, could be her spleen. She may have internal injuries. And she has a Regurgitative heart murmur. The baby, Emma, she was brought in with signs of choking, though we can’t find an obvious object lodged in the infants windpipe.”

Everything around me was fuzzy again, and it all became a big blur. A few doctors came into the emergency room. Peter’s hand snaked into my own and held it tightly. His voice sounded so far away. 

“What’s going on doctor? What’s wrong with my wife?”

A few doctors worked around Peter and I felt my eyes fluttering open and closed. My eyes shot open as soon as the cold conductive gel touched my stomach. I tasted something metallic in my mouth. More blood. I could hear the acids of my stomach making noises as a doctor moved the wand around my stomach. Everyone sounded far away now, not just Peter. I think I’m going into shock.

“This woman has fluid building up in her belly. We need to get it drained immediately.”

Peter’s grip on my hand grew tighter still as they placed the wand over my heart. Then I heard it. Like my stomach making gurgling sounds. But it was my heart. 

“Olivia, how long have you had a Regurgitative heart murmur?”

My face was full of worry as I continued to listen to the sounds my heart was making. A nurse was wiping the blood from the corners of my mouth, while another doctor pressed on my side. I winced and groaned momentarily. 

“I dunno... When I was younger my doctor told me I had just a regular heart murmur. One that 99 percent of people have at some point in their lives. She said don’t worry about it... But now I guess it’s a big deal.”

I felt like I was going to vomit again, and then my stomach suddenly lurched. I emptied my stomach into a bucket next to the stretcher I was lying on. Peter’s eyes grew wide and his grip didn’t let go of my own. 

“Olivia, you’re bleeding!”

As if I hadn’t noticed that already... Peter was just pointing out the obvious. I felt sleep suddenly and a doctor with glasses showed up in my line of vision.

“Olivia, we just gave you something to help you sleep. We’re going to check for internal injuries, since you gave birth four days ago, we’ll have to contact your OBGYN.”

I didn’t hear anymore after that and was in a dreamless sleep.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

It was hard watching from the observation window outside the emergency room. As much as I hated leaving Liv, I wanted to stay by her side, and yet I wanted to be in two places at once. I forced my feet to move from the spot I was standing in, but my heart was telling me to go to Emma. My eyes widened as I went into the room next door. 

“What the hell are you doing to my daughter?! Tell me!”

A couple of doctors only looked at me while another went back to what they were doing.

“Mr. Bishop, we cannot allow you in here without the proper clothing. Now, would you so kindly please step out into the hallway, and we’ll come and get you when we finish this surgery. It appears that your daughter has a clogged artery. We’re draining it now. But it is possible we may have to do open heart surgery on her within the next year.”

Everything seemed to be falling apart. Why? I wanted to fight, but there was no point to. I would just be escorted out by security and then where would I be? I left the room and went out into the hallway, sliding down against the wall and beginning to cry. It wasn’t often that I did this, but everything was out of my control...

To Be Continued...


	10. A donate heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not own any of the Fringe characters. But I do own a few OC's.

March 2nd, 2013

It’s been a rough year for both Olivia and I. Even with the reconstructive surgery Emma had on her heart, it seems that it was too weak. Doctor’s are working on her right now, giving her a new heart from a donor whose child had passed away. Olivia’s pacing like a caged lion. As is her custom when she’s nervous. Walter was scarfing down a moon pie. He ate when he was nervous just like Astrid did. 

“Peter, do you think they would let me be with Emma?”

I shook my head no at Walter and put my head back in my hands. I felt a slightly smaller hand on my own. When I looked up, I could see Olivia looking at me with tears ready to spill down her cheeks at any moment. But she didn’t dare let them fall. She wanted to be strong. I placed both of my hands on her cheeks. She smiled at me, with a watery smile. One lone tear trailed down her cheek. 

“Sweetheart, I know you are just as worried about Emma as I am. But Doctor Almarson said Emma had a 50/50 chance. The transplant could go either way. But he said she had a good chance that her body wouldn’t reject her new heart. We just need to take this one step at a time.”

I was just as scared as Olivia was at this point. I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight. When we pulled away, I saw her begin to chew her bottom lip. Also a nervousness thing she did. I hadn’t noticed Olivia and I had been holding our breath as Doctor Almarson came up to us. We both stood, hands clasped in one another, hopeful for the outcome of this whole surgery. 

“The surgery went fairly well. Emma’s taking to the anti-rejection drugs we’ve given her. She’s responding well, but we’d like to keep her here for a few days, just to watch her progress. She’s resting in the PICU if you’d like to go and see her. She’ll be sleeping for another couple of hours.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------- 

I wanted nothing more than to see Emma. She was the light of my life. Unfortunately, since it was in the PICU, only one family member at a time could go because of contamination issues. Things had to be kept clean. I cautiously, but optimistically made my way up to the PICU on the 5th floor in the elevator. I wrung my hands in nervousness. But as the elevator opened up on the 5th floor of Boston General, I felt strangely calm. When I entered the PICU, I was well aware that I needed to wash my hands. After they were washed, I quickly but quietly walked up to Emma’s crib. She was sound asleep, and the only sounds that were making noise were the machines monitoring her vitals. Her tiny chest was wrapped in white gauze. She looked like a little mummy. 

“Hi baby girl. Mommy is right here. You don’t know how long daddy and I have been waiting for this day. We’ve been waiting for your new heart for nearly 5 months.”

I watched Emma’s breathing for a minute, her tiny chest rising and falling in tune with the heart monitor it seemed. I glanced at a few balloons that had been tied to her metal crib. Smiling quietly, I read the one Peter had gotten for her. Daddy’s little girl, who just turned 1! Attached to the bottom of the balloon was a tiny white stuffed bear with a heart in its hands that read: I love you beary much. Two hearts, one heartbeat. Peter had someone add the last part in. He wanted to let Emma know how much he loved her. But she already knew. She knew we both loved her. I reached in with my left hand and placed my index finger inside her right hand. Her tiny fingers wrapped around my index finger and held on tight. With the other hand I untied the teddy bear from the balloon and placed it next to Emma. Her tiny reflexes reacted and grabbed for the bears arm. I wanted to pick her up, but I wasn’t sure I was supposed to, at least not yet. A nurse came by to check on Emma’s vitals, her smile was kind and warm. 

“Is it alright if I picked her up? I’m not sure if she’s supposed to be handled yet after such a delicate surgery.”

Her dark brown hair was sticking up, so I carefully smoothed it down for her. She must be dreaming of nursing, she’s suckling in her sleep. 

“You can pick her up. Be very gentle with her though. She needs her gauze to be kept clean.”

I nodded my head, although I knew how to hold my own baby. Reaching into the metal crib, I cradled Emma in my arms and sat down in the rocking chair. Rocking back and forth slowly, she scooted herself closer to me in her sleep. She made loud smacking noises with her mouth. Suddenly, she opened up her beautiful emerald eyes and stared up at me. Her smile was big and she moved her hands towards my chest. 

“Baby girl, even though you are too big for this, I can’t resist that face. And besides, you don’t have your teeth in yet. I guess it’ll be alright for you to nurse.”

Emma smiled some more and cooed at me. Then she started to babble. She blew bubbles when she was hungry.

“ba-ba... Ma... Mama...”

Who could say no to Emma’s ‘O’ face? I was never very strong when it came to that. One of the nurses had given me a blanket so that Emma could nurse. This would be the absolute last time I was going to nurse her. Peter and I have been trying to get her to take to the bottle, with little success. The closeness that Emma and I shared I didn’t want to give up, although I knew very well that she would have to be weaned off nursing and onto a bottle. I heard her fuss under the blanket, lifting it up slightly, I saw her emerald eyes staring up at me, milk on her lips, and she gave me a bright smile. 

“What baby girl? You think that’s funny?”

I let her finish eating. It wasn’t long until she was dead-weight against my arms. I straightened myself out and gave the nurse the blanket back. She tossed it into the dirty linens waste bin by the door. Using a burp rag, I carefully wiped the remnants of milk from Emma’s lips. She stirred a little, but then went back to sleep. I placed her back into the metal crib as gently as I could. I fingered the bandages around her tiny chest, the scars under it were no match for Emma’s will. She was a strong little girl, tough like her daddy, and stubborn like her mother. Taking one last glance back at her before I left the room I told her the only words that could come out of my mouth. 

“Daddy and grandpa are going to come and see you baby girl. I’ll send daddy in first, grandpa will be in after.”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. Standing there at the hand washing station letting the water run momentarily, all that was going through my mind was: Emma is going to make it. Her will is as strong as her mother’s. I rinsed the soap off my hands and dried them completely before entering the room where Emma was sleeping. She was smiling in her sleep. I reached my left hand in as I sat down in the rocking chair. She cooed and snuggled towards my hands. Her tiny hands had such a strong grip. Before her surgery, she was crawling and just learning to take her first steps. 

“Hi baby girl, its daddy. You are so strong. Your mama and I know that you’ll be something special. Given some time. We’ll teach you some wonderful things.”

It was hard seeing my little girl like this, but with this new heart, she’d be able to do anything she wanted. I smiled at the tiny stuffed bear I’d given her. Today was a special day, since it was her birthday. I felt terrible that her surgery was scheduled on the same day as her birthday. She was holding onto the stuffed bear tightly and wouldn’t let it go. 

“It’s ok sweetheart. That’s your bear. Daddy gave it to you for your birthday. You be my strong girl, you hear me?”

A bright smile spread across her face, and standing up, I kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes and went back to sleep. I turned towards the door, but not before giving her a long sideways glance. I didn’t want to leave her. They gave us 30 minutes each. Now it was Walter’s turn.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Emma was my first grandchild, one of many that I hoped my son and Olivia would have. I’d never told Peter this, but as an infant he’d had the same bad heart as Emma did. But he hadn’t gotten a new heart until he was two years old. Things were a bit different back in 1980. I sat down in the rocking chair next to Emma’s crib after I lifted her from it. She was sleeping. She had Olivia’s eyebrows, but Peter’s eye shape. Her nose was Olivia’s. Her tiny fingers wrapped around my index finger. 

“I wanted to be in there during your procedure. But your doctor’s wouldn’t let me. Your father had a bad heart too, and so he had to have a heart transplant when he was just a year older than you. Two years old. But he’s just fine. I have no doubts about your condition child. Both your mother and father know you will get well. There are many things I want to teach you when you get older. Though I’m afraid your father might disagree with some of these activities.”

To Be Continued...


End file.
